


Never Ending Cycle

by BlobFrog



Series: The Umbrella Academy (with a teensy weensy hint of eating disorders) [1]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Anorexia, Drug Use, Eating Disorders, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-27
Updated: 2019-06-02
Packaged: 2019-12-25 12:03:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18260897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlobFrog/pseuds/BlobFrog
Summary: Klaus was holding the bottle by the neck, swinging it back and forth. The clear liquid swished about with his movements. His eyes focused on this movement; side to side.





	1. Klaus

**Author's Note:**

> Uhm this is my first fic that I'm posting on here. It's a bit (a lot) of a vent fic. so plz don't judge it too hard.

Klaus was holding the bottle by the neck, swinging it back and forth. The clear liquid swished about with his movements. His eyes focused on this movement; side to side. 

His pupils were so dilated it was a surprise that you could still see them as he took another swig of vodka. This was not the first time he was mixing so many substances together and probably not the last time he was going to.

Codeine. Heroin. Alcohol.

He just wanted to stop feeling everything inside him and if all these ‘painkillers’ would kill him in turn well he just didn’t care anymore because what better painkiller than death. He didn’t want to die though. Well he did. He wanted to die but he knew better. Death wouldn’t end his pain or his suffering, he wouldn’t stop seeing them. He would become part of the mindless horde. 

Except Ben.

Ben has never been mindless, he never did anything to purposefully hurt Klaus. If dying would’ve meant he got to hug Ben, he would’ve killed himself years ago, but he knew better. He knew that even as a ghost he wouldn’t be able to touch Ben. To hug Ben. So, he stayed alive.

Klaus would never kill himself. Firstly because of his own morals, those were far and few between, but he just couldn’t fathom killing himself. Secondly because he couldn’t die anyways. Both God and Satan hating him enough to bring him back to life each and every time he died. Lastly because of a promise. When he was young, back before Ben died, Five disappeared and everyone left, they all made a promise that they would never leave each other alone. They weren’t very close as children, but they were all each other had and that was significant enough. Killing himself would leave them a little more alone, one less soul to share the burden of their upbringing with. 

His multiple overdoses were always characterized as suicides by the doctors even though he knew they really weren’t. Klaus just always forgot to control his doses after rehab. You really can’t pop as many pills as you could before rehab after rehab. Especially when this time it wasn’t just plain old rehab. 

He took another swig.

He hated thinking about it. He didn’t want to go to that place anymore, but he knew he would. The drugs didn’t help the situation. He would shoot up and would eventually keep skipping more and more meals, no appetite, no money and just another coping mechanism.

It was his second time in rehab that he figured out this little trick, he would skip meals and starve himself till his brain was so fuzzy that even if the ghosts were there, he wouldn’t be able to register them. After this turn in rehab and 3 pills Klaus realised that this could help. That he could just continue not eating. 

He was a skinny child and that didn’t change as he grew older. The drugs really didn’t help the situation. He would take as many drugs as he could afford and eat only what was offered to him the morning after by his one-night stands. Sometimes, though quite rarely, he would steal some money or food but only when he knew that another day of this would kill him. 

Ben watched all this happen.

He would beg Klaus to eat, please god eat something, but Klaus wouldn’t listen. When did Klaus ever listen. He continued as ‘normal’. Ben got quiet once more.

That is until his fourth time in rehab where they finally noticed his weight loss. It no longer fell in line with the usual weight loss that came with continued drug use. He was so underweight that they immediately put him into the strictest in-patient in the area. 

In good old Klaus fashion, he tried to resist but, in the end, he had no choice. He was just thankful that unlike when he got put into rehab his family wasn’t notified. He didn’t really know why they didn’t, but it was the best news to come out of the situation. He didn’t want his siblings to know him as not only the useless junkie but also as the anorexic one. 

Ben knew though.

Ben knew everything, was there every step of Klaus’ recovery, always by his side. He never wavered in the support of his brother. He stayed as silent as he usually did but that didn’t mean his presence wasn’t enough. In an alternate dimension Klaus never recovered from his disorder because in that universe Ben had left him alone.

So, he recovered, the drug use continued but he ate. Well he ate as much as he could while living primarily on the streets.

And here he is. Sat in his childhood home thinking about all the food in his stomach and the drugs in his system. He wants to die. No, he doesn’t. he doesn’t have the guts to kill himself. His guts are full. Full of food, too nutritious. He can’t die.

He finishes the bottle of vodka in one big gulp.


	2. Chapter 2

There'll probably be an update on Klaus in vietnam soon. Hopefully.


End file.
